Today I'll be posting a very boring post, so you
guys shall not have to read this. I'm blogging it
cos i dont really have other ways to express it.
Sorry if i offended anyone.
So, there's this guy i care about SO MUCH.
And this morning 5.45am, i woke up to my
phone's alarm. When i switched it off and was
about to head back to bed, i saw there were 2
messages. When i started reading it, it was fine.
Then the sentence, "I do smoke whenever I feel
stressed." It instantly broke my heart.
I do try to understand your feelings, especially
after the incident. I really do try. But it really does
break my heart to know you turned to smoking
when it comes to stress.I know this counts as
stereotyping, I can accept if someone this close
to me smokes. I forced my friend to quit
smoking kay. If you can do smoking, you have
a high possibility to go further too. That was
what I was worried about after the incident.
Just think about it, would she want to see you
smoking? Wouldn't break her heart too? You
said you'd stop when all your stress is released
etcetc. Which is like what? After SPM? Seriously?
I'll go crazy waiting for you to quit. I'm gonna
convince you to quit and become the you i
thought you were all this while.
I'm sorry. But when you told me you smoke,
the whole image of you, it changed. I always
never expected you'd be smoking all this while.
You always seemed like the perfect person.
Well, perfect in my eyes. You were the only
person in the world that could make me laugh
like crap when i'm crying. You made me happy
every single day after i met you. And the other
day when we were skyping, you brought up
how we met and stuff. You said if you didnt
go back there to say bye to me and ** (name
not to be mentioned), you wouldnt have known
my name. The things you've said to me, they've
always been at the easiest accessed part of my
brain. Cos i think about them all the time.
To be honest, it hurts as much as if you were to
tell me you dont want me in your life anymore.
Yes, that much. You probably think i'm
over-reacting. Cos i usually am. But when i saw
the message, disappointment was there of course.
But most importantly, i panicked. I panicked
because I've always been scared that one day,
that perfect guy image would be scarred by one
tiny flaw. This isn't even a flaw. But it was what
I've feared. I wish i could talk to you in person
on this. But you gotta study and you can't go
out. Yet i cant bear to spill these on the phone.
So i blogged it. You can say i'm immature,
whatsoever. I just cant accept the fact that
someone i care about so much smokes. Plus,
i hate to say this, the trust i had in you was like
150% more than anyone else. Now, it just
reduced to maybe less than 100%? Maybe this
feeling is just temporary. I really hope you'll
listen to my whole convincing you to quit thing.
You'll most probably hate me after all the nagging
and the annoyance. But even if you hate me,
I'll make you quit. If your dad finds out, he'll
beat the daylight out of you or something.
You surrendered to stress and went to cigarettes.
Sorry to all the other readers. Dear guy up there,
I really do care about you, like, A LOT.
Bye everyone.
